fallen leaves

Just checking in

Hello all,

Sorry I’ve been M.I.A. for a bit. I’m still in a rather introspective place at the moment, which is a little painful but totally necessary. I’ve been trying to limit my distractions as much as possible, and haven’t been online at all in a couple weeks. I still can’t give up watching my Yankees, which is far too time-consuming but I don’t care. I have but a few passions in this world, and baseball is one of them. And with the exception of tonight (grrrr), it’s been bringing me great joy…as opposed to the rest of my life, which is in desperate need of some major changes. I have fallen hopelessly in love with my boss, and I’m not sure how much longer I can keep seeing him before I either end up telling him or suffer a major breakdown. But to tell him would be risking not only rejection, (he does claim to love his girlfriend), but also my job, (work would become much too awkward). So to prevent the inevitable emotional trainwreck, I’m thinking I’m gonna have to try to change jobs soon. And I figure if I’m gonna do that, I might as well get the fuck outta New England while I’m at it. I’ve never felt comfortable here, and there’s really no reason for me to stay anymore. I’d miss my parents, but that’s about it. And as much as I love them, I need to be somewhere that suits me. And they agree.

My friend Lisa and I have even been toying with the idea of moving to the west coast, even though the thought of going that far away with no jobs, or prospects of any kind, kinda scares the shit out of us both. Then there’s my friend Dixie, who I already agreed to get an apartment with soon and I’d feel like an asshole if I bailed on her now. She plans on going back to school in the fall and can’t afford her own place at the moment. But should I really sacrifice my own happiness by sticking around here? Then again, would moving really change anything anyway? Ugh. I don’t know what the hell to do. Hence the need for introspection.

So I’m not sure when I’ll be back around here again, but I wanted you guys to know I’m not dead, or suicidal, or crazy (well, not toooo crazy), or locked up or anything. I’m just working shit out, or trying to. And Jax, I just read your email and will write back when I have the time. I’ve got 3 shows this week - Wilco and Conor Oberst tomorrow (well, tonight really), Dylan and Willie on Wed., and Paul on Sat. Oh, did I not tell you? Not only is my dad taking my mom and I to Dylan and Willie Nelson, but he also surprised us with tickets to Paul FUCKING McCartney at the Mets’ new ballpark. Yeah, my dad is the coolest.

I’m super excited for all the shows, but I still have to work all the days in between, so this is going to be a tiring week. At least in Aug., when I go to Tori and then 2 Phish shows in the same week, I’m going to have a couple days off to recover. But I’m totally not complaining. I’ll take incredible live music over rest every time. No contest.

So I’m off to bed now. Damn, 5:30 am…I haven’t been up this late in a while! Too many early mornings lately. But I took like a 5 hour nap today…oops. I hope you’re all well and will forgive my antisocial phase. I promise I’ll be back on a more regular basis eventually. I love you crazy cats! ;)

Peace

Kim xoxo

RA at CVS?!

I just remembered I heard “Two” at CVS today while getting my dad a Father’s Day card. It’s always cool to hear RA in public, (I heard “New York, New York” in Savers right after Gold came out, and twice at TGIFriday’s in the past few months), but it’s also a bit unsettling. It just seems wrong to hear him being played along with all that mindless, mainstream crap. But it’s still a pleasant surprise nonetheless. And once again, I seemed to be the only one singing along. Which I also find cool, yet unsettling. Ya know?

I'm still here.

I wish I could say my recent absence from the internet was due to my life getting super awesome and that I’ve just been having way too much fun. But it’s really just the opposite of that. My life has gotten super hectic and I’ve been quite unhappy and stressed out. Lots of early mornings - and many more to come, including tomorrow - certainly hasn’t helped. I’ve been so fucking exhausted lately, I’m pretty sure I’ve fallen asleep before 3am the last 4 nights. Well, passed out is more like it I guess. Alcohol and/or weed has perhaps been a factor each night, but that never used to matter before. Asleep before 3am under any circumstances is basically unheard of for me. But 4 nights in a row?!? I don’t think I ever even managed that in college. I’m not sure if that means I’m more stressed out now, or I’m just getting old. Maybe it’s both.

It’s also been hitting me again, as it does at least once a year or so, that I’m not at all where I want to be…emotionally, mentally, or geographically. No part of my life is the least bit fulfilling right now, and I can’t hide from that any longer. But I just feel stuck. Doomed. Hopeless.

Now you see why I haven’t been around lately. I haven’t even turned my computer on in about a week. I’m a bit of a buzzkill at the moment, so consider yourselves fortunate. I simply have nothing good to say. So why say anything at all?

But I do hope things are going well with all my lovely tumblr pals. And please feel free to email me (or return my email from ages ago…ahem ahem). I might not get it right away, but I promise to write back when I do. As for my blog, I’ll come back around when things seem a little rosier. Or when shit just gets so fucking bleak I feel compelled to come here and vent. If it ends up being the latter, I apologize in advance.

Peace. 

Hello again my poor, neglected Tumblr pals

I know I said I’d try to catch up with you all today, but then I slept until like 4pm (yeah, I know). I didn’t get anything accomplished (including getting my passport…damnit), and had to watch the Yankees lose to the Red Sox for the 7th straight time - due mostly to horrendous starting pitching, but also to horrendous home plate umpiring. Seriously, you know it’s unfair when even the Boston announcers are pointing it out. That plate was a good 2 ft. wider for their pitchers. Bullshit!

Then I consoled myself with some strawberry shortcake. Now I’m getting stoned, which is probably a bad idea considering the amount of dirty dishes in the sink and dirty laundry I planned on washing. We’ll see how that works out…

For the moment, I just feel like chillin out to some Floyd and giving my head a rest. So I’m sorry I still have no idea what you guys have been up to the past week or so. I really hope you all haven’t been posting like crazy, and when I finally do sit down to read it all I end up spending the entire day at the computer. I’ve been trying not to do that anymore.

Oh, btw, that fucking thing is still glowing! 4 days later!! I don’t know what they’re making glowsticks out of nowadays, but I sure hope it isn’t radioactive.

The Yankees better figure out how to beat the fuckin Sox tonight

This shit is getting embarrassing.